October and thoughts turn to pumpkins, pumpkin spice,
pumpkin lattes, (let just say all things pumpkin), fall leaves, crisp air, and
Halloween. My thoughts, as they often do, turn to oral health and healthy teeth.
Pondering this intersection of autumn with a sugar-laden holiday, who better,
thought I, to ask about healthy teeth than a vampire? After all, their “lives”
literally depend on good, strong teeth! But I was at a loss as to where to find
such an enigmatic being. So, I did the only thing I could think of and posted
an ad on Craig’s List as follows: “Looking for a vampire to interview for a
blog post on oral health. Please respond to this ad using the job posting
number indicated above.” I received only one reply but received it surprisingly
quickly. What follows is a transcript of that interview.
Y: Hi. It’s so nice to meet you!
Vampire: Likewise. It is my pleasure.
Y: Do you mind if I record our conversation? Wait. Is it possible
to record you?
Vampire: Audio, of course. Video, no.
Y: I appreciate you agreeing to meet with me.
Vampire: I appreciate that you were able to meet in the
evening.
Y: (laughing) No problem. It’s not so late - it gets dark
earlier this time of year.
Vampire: I also appreciate you meeting me at my home.
Y: Again, no problem. You do live in a rather remote area so
thank you very much for having your driver pick me up. I would have never found
it. By the way, that’s a beautiful car.
Vampire: It’s quite old, a classic. And thank you for not
prying regarding the address. You understand, it’s important that I protect my
privacy.
Y: Certainly, certainly. I understand. (sneeze)
Vampire: Bless you.
Y: Wow. You can say that?
Vampire: Sure. Just can’t do it. (laughing) I hope you don’t
have a cold.
Y: No, it’s these darn allergies. It happens every fall.
Hope I don’t ‘fall’ asleep. I had to take some antihistamines.
Vampire: I’m sorry you are suffering so.
Y: Really, it’s nothing. Shall we begin?
Vampire: Let’s.
Y: This is silly and I totally do respect your privacy, but
you were rather reluctant to give me your name. What should I call you?
Vampire: Please call me Dave.
Y: Dave.
Vampire: You sound disappointed.
Y: Well, I kinda thought, you know, vampire, pretty
mysterious, conjures up far off, mist-covered mountains….
Vampire: Well, Dave’s not actually my name but I thought
you’d like something that’s accessible, for your readers. Is that all right?
Y: I do like that feeling of accessibility. You know, Dave,
I think you’re right. Dave. It’s perfect.
Vampire: Terrific.
Y: So let’s jump right in. As a dental hygienist, I’m
terribly interested in good oral health, and particularly in people who keep
their teeth in great shape and how they do it.
Vampire: Naturally, you would be. You seem to have a
wonderful, innate curiosity.
Y: Thanks. The thing is, Dave, and I think what makes this
interview unique, is I can think of no other beings that would have more stock
in maintaining oral health than vampires.
Vampire: You are right, of course. Our lives, well, you know
what I mean, depend upon it.
Y: Now, when you say ‘lives’, you mean that you’re actually undead.
Vampire: Well, I think of it as living. There are others
that would disagree. But I say, let’s agree to disagree. (laughing)
Y: (laughing) You are charming! I’d love for my readers to
know what you do to maintain such wonderful oral health, such strong, shiny,
white teeth, over centuries.
Vampire: It’s rather simple, really. I brush two times a day
for two minutes each time, using a soft toothbrush and fluoride toothpaste.
Y: Anything else?
Vampire: Yes. I floss at least once a day and more often if
I get someone – thing, stuck in my teeth.
Y: It’s that simple, isn’t it, Dave?
Vampire: Absolutely, yes.
Y: Let me ask you a more personal question.
Vampire: Yes.
Y: Have you ever have a cavity?
Vampire: I did. Back as a child, when I was mortal. The
tooth decayed and I had to have it pulled. Dentistry was so awful back then.
But I learned my lesson and took great care of my teeth from that day forward.
Haven’t had any problems since.
Y: Let’s explore that experience a little more. How did you
feel about it? To have decay, have a tooth pulled.
Vampire: It was a horror. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst
enemy.
Y: It’s so gratifying to meet someone who values his oral
health as much as you do, Dave. It is really such a pleasure to hear.
Vampire: Again, the pleasure is all mine.
Y: I do have another question.
Vampire: Please, go ahead.
Y: Let’s say, hypothetically, someone puts a wooden stake
through your heart. Is anything left? Do the teeth remain? Movies are so
sketchy on this point and other than some books, I have no point of reference.
Sometimes the vampire dissolves, sometimes bursts into flames…I’m sorry. Have I
offended you?
Vampire: No. However, I am a little uncomfortable with this
line of questioning. You know, I have heard that teeth can withstand
temperatures over 1,000 degrees Fahrenheit.
Y: Actually, up to 2,000.
Vampire: That is interesting. I really admire your knowledge
and passion about this subject.
Y: It’s what I do, Dave. Thanks.
Vampire: You’re welcome.
 |
| Happy Halloween. (Photo YM) |
Dave was such a great interview but the recording cuts off
here and I have to admit I don’t remember much of the rest of the evening. Antihistamines
really knock me out! My eyes seem to have developed a bit of sensitivity to
light as well, but my doctor assures me it’s the allergies. Happy Halloween!
For another Halloween post from this blog click here: https://mydentalhygienist.blogspot.com/2015/10/
This post is not meant to treat, diagnose, or cure any disease or condition. Please visit your dentist or medical professional if you are not feeling well, and if you are feeling well - go for your regular check-ups. Do not contact Dave.
